you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
