my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
