He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
