oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
