i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
