Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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