My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
