dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's shark week go big or go home
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize