I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
