Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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