I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
