What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
