Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
