Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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