My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
