Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
