Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
