stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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