There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
