I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
