South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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