so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
