I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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