she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
