And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
