if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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