Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
