no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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