i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
