i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you had me at cake vodka
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
