So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
