I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
