know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
