get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
