Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
