Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
