I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize