margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my shit smells like andre
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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