If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
