You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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