you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
