Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
