WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
