Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i think i just lost a toe
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
