and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
