I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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