So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize