You can't motorboat a personality
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
