new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will be naked everywhere
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
