Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
