I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize