Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
