you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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