put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My vagina just recognized that song.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
