wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
