We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
