Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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