it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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