If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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