So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
