I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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