Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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