I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
