i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
