It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize