I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
