That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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