I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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