My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
